Listen, I'm stunned. I'll tell you what I think I know.
On Tuesday morning, September 11, 2001 it was my Aunt's birthday.
Some people hijacked four planes within the United States.
They crashed two of the planes into the twin towers of the World Trade Center in New York,
Crashed one plane into part of the pentagon,
And tried to steer the fourth plane somewhere significant,
But some of the passengers on that plane overtook the hijackers and brought the plane down somewhere in Pittsburgh.

I was woken up around 7:30am by a frantic and highly dramatic parent,
insisting that I let him use my radio.
I had only gone to bed 3 and a half hours before and the broadcasts coming in,
Filled with horrified news-casters watching the second tower crumble hit me as entirely surreal.
I called the first two people I ever seem to call and told them to turn on their radios.
Our country seems to prefer the T.V. anyhow.
But I'm really glad I didn't watch much televised news that week
Because it created extra drama and sensationalized something that was more
Appropriate to be taken at face value.
Somewhere around 9am my father called me, sounding more heart-broken than I've ever heard him,
Going on about a world war III, about me and my boyfriend being drafted, other things.
I had been up for nearly 24 hours, and I went to bed.
That evening, our country's leaders were already frothing at the mouth
with talk of revenge and war and "justice."
Throughout Wednesday, it became more and more clear to me that most of the people in my country
Had a similar vengeful and vindictive attitude toward the situation.

The acts of selflessness, kindness, bravery and...
Lots of incredible qualities people have been showing
To try and repair and rebuild and heal are beautiful and inspiring.
People's words and actions have touched me so deeply.
I wish that the warm fuzzies were the majority of what I've seen lately.
Unfortunately, most of what I have been surrounded with is this
Exclusive attitude of sudden patriotism that makes my stomach turn.

Many of my friends are rushing out to buy flags and engaging in
Testosterone-ruled rallies of grunting and rambunctious flag-parading.
I hear of so many folks who "Feel so American" for the first time,
Or are spouting all kinds of trite platitudes regarding war and bravery and justice.
I know how harsh that sounds.
And I know that most of these people that are turning me off probably mean well
And aren't sure what to do with themselves, just like me.
It just makes me sad and angry that it seems like a lot of folks are so quick to
Jump to something that feels to me like it's missing the point entirely.
This isn't about pride in one's country.
This isn't about showing the world who's boss.
There are people all over the world that have a serious part of them dedicated to hate.
There are people all over the world that will kill because of the hate they hold inside themselves against others.
The more we try to cut each other off by dividing into exclusive groups,
The more we encourage everyone to view those not belonging to their group as a sub-human, or a lesser.
And the more we encourage that disrespect,
The more we encourage the devaluation of another human being's life,
Based on the group or groups they belong to or associate with.

Please forgive me that I am at an all-time anti-patriotic point right now.
There are so many facets to America, so many views and cultures and ideologies contained within
That I have never felt anchored to the blanket we call America,
Because I see no one thing that it is to love and celebrate.
A name and a geographical location do not clap my heart into intense emotion.
Additionally, I feel we do things horribly incorrectly here,
I have felt continually let down by the way we collectively act,
And as such I have almost always blatantly rejected acts of patriotism.
Having our country attacked has not suddenly bridged the rifts that existed before this tragedy.
I think it is natural that we feel more like a group than before because on Tuesday,
We all became potential targets just for living where we do.
(Or being in an unfortunate place at a terrible time)
However, that bond is much weaker than the things which make me feel so separate
From the rest of my countrymen and women.
And the major attitude I hear reported in the media detaches me even more from my neighbors.
People seem to favor jumping into a war, giving up freedoms,
Killing out of revenge, in the misplaced guise of justice.
I believe that killing is wrong, period.
I agree with and appreciate the sentiment that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
I don't think vengeance has ever accomplished anything good.

I hope more deeply than I've hoped in a very long time that
We will not go to war over this,
That more lives will not be thrown down the drain for the sake of petty angers and hatreds.
Life is worth so much more than politics.
Some people seem so eager to toss away lives when they are not their own
and not their loved ones.
It's filthy.

I believe the wisest course of action for our country is a full-fledged
Investigation of this incident, trials and punishment for those who deserve it,
(if possible) but more importantly, a re-examination of our foreign policy,
How we treat human beings, where we place our values, and just in general,
How we live as a global community.
On an individual level, we need to truly take to heart the Golden Rule,
Need to show respect for all creatures, work to break our prejudices and
Eliminate or at least greatly lessen the suffering we create in others.
We need to remember to regularly let the people we love know that they are loved
And try and not let the trivial things which eat away at important relationships
And our happiness erode the precious things as much as possible.

We make our enemies to a great extent, they rarely form entirely on their own.
Our country was not some innocent lamb, attacked by men of pure evil.
Our country has treated the rest of the world with disrespect for centuries.
We are perpetually selfish and bullying and greedy and hypocritical.
We have been terrorists to millions of people at home and abroad.
We sell the world most of its weapons, we train many of the world's major terrorists.
(including bin Laden)
A great percentage of the world at home and abroad would like revenge against
the wrongs we have perpetrated.

I don't believe that justifies attacks at all.
The people who orchestrated, planned and implemented the recent attack on
America were horribly wrong to kill.
There is no way to excuse their actions.
If we truly wish to be brave and to rise above that horror, we need to change
How we as a country treat the world.
If we turn around and retaliate against whole countries in anger over all of this,
We will be no more righteous, no more noble than the heartless murderers who
Made that Tuesday a date that my generation will probably never forget.
Those misled men believed they were doing the right and noble thing.
They were willing to die for and to kill for their beliefs, a sentiment I've
Heard echoed and encouraged in many young Americans lately.
It is no different, that sentiment.
Murder is murder, war is evil and unnecessary, no matter who perpetuates it.

Now I hear conservatives whining about how this wouldn't have happened if
Clinton hadn't lowered our military budget and I know that this tragedy
Will be a selling point for gun-happy idiots to frighten everyone into
Increased military spending and the creation of more weapons and more
Defense systems and more tools of murder.
My two cents on that are that it's pure idiocy to think that weapons bring peace.
As it is, our tax dollars fund the military more than anything else in this country.
And yet, it didn't do us much good here or any other time we've been attacked.
Because peace does not grow out of preparation for war.
We could move to spend every resource this country ever generates on defense
And I am sure that terrorism would not only still exist, but be magnified
Because war was all anyone thought about.

It is a very sad thing that there are people in this world who desire to destroy.
I'm sorry that's part of the world we live in.
However, they will probably always be a part of our world, and it's impossible
To be perfectly defended and to live a fulfilling life, in my opinion.
If a person could build a little hole in the earth, impervious to all danger
That would sustain them, perhaps they could live their entire life in safety
and seclusion, but that's not a life I would like to live.
We take risks in living with other people.
Because no matter how hard we try, we will probably never get the whole world
to tune in to the same belief system.
And when people disagree, they are often moved to violence.
By living in a society in the first place, we are vulnerable.
But I am of the firm belief that some of the best living is done when we are
Vulnerable to each other, have faith in each other and trust.
I think some of the most tragic human beings are the ones who live being
Permanently defensive and adamantly against trusting.

So, please forgive me if I speak harshly of folks who I think have their
Hearts in the wrong place.
I think war has never brought us anything but death and tragedy and that we
Will live in a much safer world the minute we extinguish all weapons of
Mass destruction, not create more of them.

In this country, we always seem to try to solve problems from the wrong end.
We try to quickly fix deep-rooted problems and usually end up making them worse.
We are like foolish fairy tale characters who create tragedy by acting impulsively,
Instead of giving our actions enough thought.
It's like we always punish before we consider that the root of what caused a
Disfavorable behavior came from within.
We jail and we execute instead of strengthening our citizens through better
education and community support systems,
We pay the people who raise our children and teach them less than we pay
Garbage collectors, deprive schools of funding and then demand high test scores,
Instead of allocating a substantial portion of our collective funds to the individuals
Who will inherit this life from us,
We suck the planet we live on of its future resources without making much effort
to stabilize it, replenish and ensure its life systems...
I won't go on, but I think we typically approach how to live on this planet ass-backwards.

And if we go to war, we will just do it again.
We will kill off perhaps thousands or millions of our own children,
Will kill off perhaps thousands or millions of innocent people from other countries,
Will give generations around the world more of a reason to hate us, and ultimately
Will have done the victims of last Tuesday complete dishonor by using their
Horrible deaths as a shabby reason to shed blood.

People need to stop insisting that our way is always the right way or is always justified.
People need to leave at least a small percentage of their minds open always
To the possibility that we are mistaken or that our views are misled.
We need to understand that there are almost always multiple ways to view a situation
And that it's probably impossible to keep everyone on the same page of beliefs.
Our differences are beautiful and dangerous.
We need to find a way to work with what we have, acknowledge that what we have
Is an enormous melting-pot of different styles and opinions and deep-set
Belief systems, and find some way to find enough common ground to get by.
I firmly believe that this is the only way we will survive as a species.
I think a large part of what has enabled us to accomplish so much of what we
Have as a creature is our ability to communicate.
If we abandon that in favor of war, I think we will find that we move increasingly
Towards annihilating each other.

But more than ever, I must tell you, I feel a surge of hope and strength in the
Midst of all my bitterness, my disillusionment, and my fear.
I believe that human beings have so much potential and I feel more determined
Than ever to fight for what I believe is right and to live more accordingly to
How I think the world should be, encouraging others to strive towards patience,
Understanding, respect, tolerance and better communication.
I think that life is amazing, and I am lit with a determination to
Promote that as much as possible.
I think being alive and being able to communicate and open ourselves to others
Are the greatest things we have.

I hope Tuesday's tragedy moves your heart towards affirming life and love and peace
In humanity, and towards being the change you wish to see in the world.
It is easy to be swept up in what other people tell you to believe,
Or to be tangled up in cynicism or bitterness.
Pessimism becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy;
It reproduces itself by crippling our willingness to act. (Zinn)
I hope the stuff you're made of pushes you towards something better.

Last week gave me a strong direction - I realize quite fully that
What I wish to do with myself is to teach.
I also realize that I will do whatever I can to oppose us going to war.
I will not kill and I will support anyone who needs support in avoiding killing.
I think killing is probably the worst thing we can do.
And war is one of the most shameful acts a country can engage in.
I will not tolerate it.

And that's my story.

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