May 9, 1999
Ah... sweet panic...Suddenly, the happy, carefree days of highschool (wait... when were those again?) come to a screeching halt: SATs and AP testing.
It's springtime! Classmates roam the halls with scholarly No-Doze dementia,
local supermarkets find themselves depleted of #2 pencils, the College Board grows millions of dollars richer,
parents up their prozac dosages, and the gay, gamboling springtime birds joyously devour the hunks of food we don't have the stomach for anymore...
I took the SAT I test for the first time last Saturday. Fortunately, it followed the worst week of my life, so the test was a snap...or so I will think until the scores come back. Friday, May 14 is the AP US History Exam-- By the middle of June 1999, I will have about half a dozen little numbers (not too little, I hope) to stick to the end of my name. Hell, I might as well legally change my name to these scores for the next year-- colleges won't see much else. All this preparation, effort and ritual leads me to really wonder if this is all worth it -- if in the future I will grant that reducing my self-worth to the amassed sums of hundreds of penciled-in ovals was truly a worthwhile endeavor, not just a demeaning exercise to fit in...
Someday perhaps I will better understand the connection between living a life of fulfillment and Rutherford B. Hayes winning the 1877 presidential election by one vote-- but for today, and tomorrow too, I'll wager, life would be just a little bit more peachy out in the warmth and greenery with a Good Book than stuffed like a piece of dirty laundry into an office chair for some hardcore cramming...
I'm hoping to get to the page on a weekly basis, leave a few tidbits for those of you who are keeping track of things... and, otherwise... Thanks for...um... indulging me so.
~A.
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