{Andrasta}

I never, ever get enough sleep.
I write notes down on my hands & arms and am surprised by how many people boldly grab my body parts to read them.
Someday, I will take that experience to full tilt and tattoo the Q'ran on my tits.
Homeless or down & out people frequently single me out in a crowd - especially on public buses.
I am more attracted to women than to men, but fall for people, not genitals.
I have fallen in love with two people in my whole life.
I only told one of them.
I have low self-esteem so I toot my own horn a lot online to feel bigger and better than I know I am.
I brush off compliments and take criticism to heart.

I stalk all of my friends and think about their lives to such great lengths that it would probably scare them all if they ever truly knew.
I do not own a cell phone.
I only still think it's cool not to own a cell phone when my car is not broken down in the middle of nowhere.
I'm lying. Deep down, I still think it's cool.
I love to listen to my dad talk.
I love to watch other people.
I love to watch other people fuck. Christ, I do.
I am such a hardcore voyeur.

I still don't know how to make appropriate eye contact.
October is my favorite month because it conjures up a sense of limitless possibilities
and of reality being more complicated than what I expect -
- it makes me believe in magic.
I fall out of contact with people I deeply love too easily.
I love people hard and worry about them.
I hate people - they're pigs. Fuck them all.

I used to write Nirvana & Nine Inch Nails lyrics all over my notebooks, backpacks, art boxes, shoes & clothing when I was in Elementary school and Junior High.
The most common excerpt was, "I wanna know everything. I wanna be everywhere. I wanna fuck everyone in the world. I wanna do something that matters."
I technically stopped being a teenager 6 months ago.
I would probably buy you food and drive you around if you asked me to.
I collect post cards.
I have a low tolerance for violence in film.
I stereotype other people then get indignant when I am stereotyped.
I can look at pictures of people tirelessly.
I adore yearbooks, regardless of knowing anyone in the school.
I hate T.V.
My favorite author is Milan Kundera.
My favorite poet is Rumi.
I am bad at having favorite anythings.

I thought I would stop being such a pervy, sex-driven loser by now.
Sometimes I think I really have a problem.
I used to get in trouble in Elementary school for being such a pervy, sex-driven loser.
They would call my dad, the school psychologist would come and collect my art work when we all had art studio time and make me meet with him.
Aside from other people's reactions, I don't really think I have a problem.
And when I really feel down on myself, I just talk to a teenage male and realize:
Hey. At least I think about books sometimes too.

I never want to be famous.
But I want to feel like I lived my life as best as I could.
Or at least something close.
I get a bad rap with a lot of people for being flaky, but I'm really not.
I just don't ever have enough time.
I am always trying so hard to fit it all in.
Tomorrow I will rush about my day, trying to swim through the rush of school and work and other people's needs but then still feel at the end of the day like I didn't get done half of what I wanted to accomplish.
You will be disappointed in me.
But maybe, you'll forgive me, and life will go on.

[...Soy la quién piensa en tú demasiado a menudo.]


Last year