I was looking for something nice, simple and cheap.
A replacement for an '89 Honda Civic.
I found a lot of possibilities, but nothing felt right.
It was purely by chance that some 30 miles away from home,
I would find the car of my dreams.
A nicely restored 1965 VW Bug named Kumquat.

So maybe I had to learn to drive stick,
Maybe there's no air conditioning or heating device in the car,
Maybe the doors stick every now and then and it's noisy as hell…
She's my grumpy little beast.
I couldn't be more of a proud, stick-shiftin' bitch.
We squirm down the road and she grumbles at the other cars.
About a month ago, I got another tattoo, too.

My artist is this really neat woman named April.
Her philosophy, attitude & artwork are a blessing to the industry.
If the future is kind to me, I'll get to train with her and try and soak up
Some of her good ways.

Then, I've been thinking about how we communicate lately.
(That kinda sounds like a break-up intro, huh?)
Maybe it's plainly obvious to you that the way someone says something
Greatly affects your willingness to hear them,
But it's been fluttering around my brain lately.
It started several days ago when I was accosted by a
Tenacious leafletter from the Youth for Socialist Action

While trying to find my way into a Pacifica radio forum thingy in L.A.
I was running late and feeling flustered and, even though I agreed with
What she was saying, the way she was peddling her association to me
(Which I incidentally support)
Made me want to argue with her or dismiss her beliefs.
And that was weird.
See, my first summer job was canvassing for a peace organization.
That's door-to-door organization selling.
I firmly believed in the things that I was telling people at their door,
But I still felt like a prostitute or a beggar.
People were real dick heads, too.
I understand feeling petered out about someone knocking at your door.
I also understand not wanting to hear them and telling them to go away.
But some people would really go out of their way to be mean,
Even if they agreed with what I was saying.
And that was weird.
I don't know about you, but I seem to have a pretty low threshold
For being able to listen to someone try to convince me of anything.
But it's case dependent.
I'll lend all the patience and interest in the world
To some people & their messages,
And get irritated and interrupt others.
So, I wonder what fuels that.
I know it isn't just voice pitch 'cause I listen to and respect
Some people with whiny voices that sound pleading and pathetic,
Even though that instantly puts me off.

I realize that it's hard for me to have a debate with someone
Without getting heated and using extreme language.
I wonder how many times people have just stopped hearing me
Because of the way my ideas were being translated through my voice.
And I see that most people seem to have a similarly short tolerance level
To listening.
I don't mean listening to your friends or your boss talking about their
Troubled marriage or…anything like that.
I think really good listeners are just as involved in this.
It's like we all have a bizarre minefield set up in each of us,
That randomly blasts and shuts down certain things from entering our realm.
Sometimes we shut down because we think we already know that idea,
Have heard it too many times.
Sometimes we shut down because the deliverer just seems wrong to begin with.
(As a pretty far leftist, I have a block to hearing things right-wing conservatives have to say)
Sometimes, we just shut down. Maybe we're hungry or bored, or just…not receptive.
I know that seems obvious, but it's interesting because I think we all have it to some extent.
And I think most of us nevertheless pride ourselves on being open-minded and
Willing to hear anything or entertain any thought.
So, the way I see it, we're all a buncha humans that have selected
(Randomly or intentionally)
What we've been willing to hear for all of our lives.
(I mean hear and really take in, not just the words that float by)
And that's weird.
It leads me to believe that I could just as easily be gung-ho on nuclear weapons
And rape
And the death penalty
And oppression of people everywhere
And a load of crap I feel so passionately to be wrong.
It's not the first revelation that given different contexts,
I would probably be someone else…
But it has made me a little more tolerant of people this past week.
And made me really want to practice talking to people in a way
That convinces them to listen.
I'm not having some existential nightmare where I realize
At last that I am truly nothingness and all this parading about
With beliefs is a charade…
I still feel the same about my beliefs and convictions and
Agree with the sentiment, "A [person] who stands for nothing will fall for anything"
This has just been an exercise for me in trying to knock down
Some more of those barriers to hearing other people.
Or maybe owning a bug has turned me into a Damn Hippie.

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Played Knick-Knack, Paddy Whack...

Younger Than Springtime