I don't know why being On The Road is so freeing.
Maybe when your ass gets numb, your head is heavy
And the wind's whipping you raw,
You reach a state of meditative nirvana.

Maybe the painted lines hypnotize you,
And you wind up wandering through your past lives.
Or mabye out of boredom, you become the God of introspection…

Whatever happened, it was definitely the mental/spiritual ass kicking I needed.
We made it to Memphis our first night,
After being thoroughly horrified by the Nashville locals.
Tennessee can be a lovely place, but they keep some frightening motherfuckers up in that town.
I really thought all those stereotypes I'd seen depicted about Middle America or the South
Were just the lousy prejudices of snobby city people, come to fruit.
But, I've gotta tell you, it was rough keeping an open mind in that sea of
Confederate flags, Good Ol' Boys with mullets & gun racks on the trucks.
I've come to love L.A. for things that don't immediately meet the eye,
So I'm not gonna slam these sister states.
But all I gotta say is Damn.
Didn't see a thing I woulda brought home to Mama.

Day Two was pretty cool. We got up bright and early and made it to Albuquerque that night.
In Oklahoma, a stupid skinhead kept messing with us on the road.
I think he was trying to get a better look at Emily's neat queer pride bumper stickers.
I bet he was just getting that close so he could snatch one for himself.
I was driving and couldn't really get a picture of him.
He pretty much looked like this:

After that, the prospect of Texas was not pleasant.
We did our best to drive right through.
Emily said, "I'm not hungry enough to stop in Texas."
It didn't help that we were listening to gospel music
As we approached a 40-something-foot crucifix, surrounded by life-sized statues
Of martyrs bearing heavy crosses on their backs.
It also didn't help that the telephone poles that flanked the empty fields around us
Loomed like torture devices…
It really didn't help when the rainstorm hit and there were blue skies everywhere else.
We got nervous. And drove faster.

We spent the next day in Santa Fe.
Emily decided to get pierced there.

She wanted a symbol of breaking away, of independence.
We hit up a tattoo parlor called The Domain of Pain.
See, Emily's never been pierced before.

And we had to get hit with a purist who, after two times
Jabbing her virgin nostril with a needle, explained that all the
Agonizing pain was for naught, and he couldn't put anything in her nose that day.

Well, we didn't take his no for an answer.
Right or wrong, we got it to happen.
And that's how Emma got her free piercing.

Here's a pic of the needle-wielding dude.

(…Is it just me, or don't they always look like that??)
After Santa Fe we drove on, I tried to make it to L.A.
But tired out in Needles, CA.
The windshield was covered with bug splatters and the remains
Of a bat.
You can kinda see the bug streaks on the window in this shot.

Emily got a speeding ticket the next morning in Barstow,
And we were home for supper.
We had a helluva time on the road.

We laughed and sang, had good, deep talks
And were comfortably quiet.
We came up with good road names for each other,
Did home made mad libs, and got high on lollipops.

We never did manage to wear pantyliners as hair fasteners
Or make condom balloon animals,
But we saw a lot of beautiful land

And had a good long time to just stew in being alive.

"Behind us lay the whole of America and everything I had previously known about life...

We had finally found a magic land at the end of the road
And we never had dreamed the extent of the magic." -JK

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