I love your site. You are artistic and literal beauty and agony and ecstasy I think. My friend from AIM S****es... The Russian Girl, turned me on to your site. I am an artist too and would love to find someone to share and talk art with :)
I ran across your profile in Realm Of Redheads. I would have said Came across but that's so sexual and we hardly know each other do we? I'll be honest I clicked on your website in an effort to see a few more poses of a fiery serene looking redhead. Then I did something I rarely do when going to someone's site. I actually read what you wrote. I saw that you layered your website with a great deal of introspective and brutally honest writing. My mouth was open almost the whole time I read. So much so that I find myself struggling to even come up with a blanket sentence for how your site affected me. You layed a great deal out for scrutinizing eyes to invade.Not only was your prose and commentary insightful,raw, and enticing, but you nailed all of the subjects.
Internet love
Porn
Smoking
Loneliness
Hypocrisy
The Asphyxiation of America on it's own Media
Plus i have to admit the fact that you listen to Wesley Willis" I Whupped Batman's Ass, a song i mutter around the office, knocked me out of my Aunt connie's striped socks.That bit aside, I have no idea how to convey my feelings towards your work and person without sounding pretentious as hell. But, I can't even say we share the same ideas. Only the same concepts, because of what you said and how you said it, meant that I have yet to cast even a shadow on what I believe. In easier terms. You straight said, what I have only been thinking for a time (except the Calvin decal thing, i have a bit on that in my stand up act) The fact that you not only know who Calvin is and Bill Patterson is, but that you seem to have shared the same symbiotic relationship with them as any true Calvin And Hobbes reader does. Some people remember their first school play. I like to look back and remember when Calvin got his special propellor beanie after eating vats of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs. Maybe that's just me, but it puts a small smile on my toothaching face if it's other people too.
You have an amazing grasp on what makes the young tick. Your finger is not just on the pulse of the american rebel and company but it's digging into the artery. Your website is haunting and lucid in a Requiem for a dream kind of way. I love how you coupled your writings with candid photos of yourself and images that compel. I especially liked the picture of you in the shower and the before and after Bette Davis smoking chic expose. Very colorful and very very intriguing. You're up front appraisal of pornography was shocking only because this was coming from the lips of a female, I'm sure that's a stereotype you would like to see squashed and I hope I didn't invoke it. To be honest I could elaborate on this topic until the Bills win the Super Bowl but much like the Taliban I don't like to stay in one place for too long.
Andrasta Vangaea, I don't know if we will ever meet, hang out, or even cross words across this constantly changing realm known as cyberspace. I'd love to, but in case we don't, I'm going to go out Chasing Amy style. Please know that I am forever changed because of who you are and now I am comfortable roaming this wacked out yet splendid orb with the knowing that there is someone not too far who shares a small but significant kinship with me, my thoughts, my desires, my fears, and just in case you want to know who this fan boy clown is in your email box. My name is Mathew. I have a profile on Yahoo, go there to learn the absolute MINUMUM about me. If you want to talk, hesitation is overrated.
So I finally came by to see your site and I just wanted to let you know it ROCKS! It made me all happy and stuff just like hot chocolate on a cold day but wait you never have cold days in L.A....lucky you ;)
Hi Andrastra, I just wanted to drop you a quick line to save your email address for later....I love what you said..."not merely some embarrassingly lecherous knave." That shows your wisdom....the word merely, I mean. Every man is a lecherous knave...the question is do they have anything else going for them? Well I hope to find the time later to provide entertainment worthy of your great charm....in all seriousness. In the meantime..... HAVE A NICE DAY! :-)
I'm not sure why I'm e-mailing you. Or even if I should.
I'm normally an e-mail fiend. If I find somebody I want to e-mail, my fingers fly on the keyboard and I've whipped out a lengthy tome in minutes-- quite often about nothing in particular. I have a lot I want to say to you, though, so suddenly it's hard. The phrasing seems all wrong and I fear your judgement. See, I've been sort of furtively poking around your website for the past... I don't even *know* how long... and you remind me so much of myself it's almost uncanny. Except for a few key points: you might be--and probably are--smarter than I am (which frightens me indescribably), you're a brilliant writer (which frightens me even more), and you're so honest it almost makes me cry.
So maybe I'm doing this because it scares me.
I would like to be as honest as you are, to embrace my life and self as you seem to do so artfully.
I've found a lot to admire about you on your website (and in your CX weblog, can't forget that), but I'm sure it's just scratching the surface. It makes me want to take you out for coffee and pick your brain about... well, everything. I would venture to say that we hold similar opinions on a great deal of things and could, at the very least, have one or two terribly interesting conversations. If I talked much, that is. That's how I seem to be really different from you-- I have some sort of block on my self-expression. I'm suffering creative constipation. I see a lot of myself in you, but much more. It's like you're me, amplified, magnified a thousand times, actualized, expanded, and hungry for more.
Which, I guess, makes you *not* like me.
It's frustrating and intimidating to read your website, because a surprising number of your sentiments seem to have been plucked straight out of my own head-- and worded much better than I could ever word them, which pisses me off, but that's beside the point. It's like you're letting your web viewers into your head, your heart, your corner of the universe, and I want to do that too. I'm starting to, a little, but it's hard. For so long I wondered why my journal entries read so smoothly and my writing on my website was so horrid, and I finally realized it was the lack of honesty. My site is surprisingly devoid of much real information about me. I've kept it superficial, kept my readers at arms' length and doled out personal tidbits stingily. (Is 'stingily' a word? I guess it is now. Heh.) Essentially, I haven't been very *real*.
You just may be the realest person I've found on the web.
So am I just e-mailing you to tell you I want to be like you? It sure is beginning to look that way. I don't recall ever having this much difficulty writing an e-mail, so I guess maybe I want to impress you, too. Probably should have picked a different subject if that was the goal. Odds are good that I will regret this e-mail the very instant I click "send"-- assuming I do send it.
Anyway, you're an inspiration. The person I am becoming, I think, will turn out to be very much like the person you already are. I just have a long way to go. Thank you for being so brave. You've restored some of my faith in humanity.
hey, i am on RoR as well... i love your room and some of your views... you remind me of me... he he and stuff... well lets chat it up sometime and be friends... you live kinda close too... kinda... at least you are in Ca.... har har... are you going to burning man??? think that kinda place it right up your alley but i may be wrong... hope you write back!!!
Women have a trait that makes men stupid, it's called beauty...
Hi there Andrasta... You're the best looking Citizen I've seen for a while...
i was perusing ur website for an hour earlier, funny how it came up in a search i did that had to do with quitting masturbating, i'm one of those internet porn addicts. Your site spruced up my evening ( i especially enjoyed the part on the personals ad, which i had been considering as of late). Anyway, im not even sure if this is the right email address, and i want to just make this short and sweet cause im tired as hell. I want to "exchange further emails with you", for lack of anything better, have a good one :)
Dear Andrasta--
I tremble in awe--at what you are--and have become-in just 18 years--such a work--a masterpiece--so seemingly many lives--molded into--YOU It would seem--impossible--that there is really so much to you--but I have no doubt--indeed--extreme faith-that you are the cause of what you are--and little was dependent on outside forces--so much is contained within you-- I--only one of many--am grateful--that you share so much--of yourself--make public your feelings--thoughts--beliefs-- Your secrets--would be--terrible to behold--in their complexity--but wondrous to know--in their intensity-- Wonderful woman!!--I understand about PLACE--and have bought and then sold any number of homes--because I never quite fit into them--comfortably--not even one room--and now--after so many moves--my treasures are also in boxes--some unopened for twenty years or more--before I die--I hope to unpack my collections--and wonderful little things--and spread them around me for one last look--and then go on to whatever it is that comes next-- Please take care--and know that you matter to many--and are appreciated by many--and looked upon--with even some lust and yearning--by many--who see your worth--and beauty--and intellect--and rampant sexuality--all in one beautiful package--
hi, i just wanted to drop a few lines to say that you home page is real nice. i hope to catch you online on day so i can talk to ya. i found you in citizenx by the way. i like exploring sites to see how they are and how they work. hope to see ya soon and keep up the cool work on your home page.
Hello, you do not know me, any to be honest probably never will. This aside I just wanted to say I enjoy the writings you post on your citizen x web log. I tend to check the every now and then just to see what is new.
I was writing no more or less. I just thought you would like to know that a person whom you have never met enjoyed your writings
Enjoy your 4th of July
Ok I shall only add to your vanity. I long to add to that ego. You are too beautiful and the artistic side of you only adds excitement to your beauty. Anyway I really enjoyed your web site keep it up. It's very rare I comment but I do think your site not only had those beautiful pics of you but also kept me entertained in reading. Thanks.
I stumbled upon your webpage somehow, I believe through some Citizen X page that a buddy of mine showed me. Funny how things just fall into place. Anyway, just wanted to say very interesting writings, they are very intriguing. I'm at work right now and there's not much to do, and I'm hooked on your site. Good job.
Hi, I'm glad i finally got to talk to you, even if it was only briefly.....lol. you remind me a lot of my own friends. i try to surround myself with artists of all types. (poets and writers, musicians and sculptors). i think that it's this creativity that keeps us all going. it's the perfect outlet from the hustle and bustle of the daily grind. i'd love to hear more about your roadtrip experiences, I've got a few myself. I'm a recovering hippy...lol. I could go on and on like this, but I'd better save something for later. please feel free to give me an e-mail or give me an IM anytime I'm on line. I'd love to talk to you more in depth. I believe there is a lot more under the surface than meets the eye :-) I've waited this long, I guess I can wait a little longer..... Until next time. Your latest fan.
Fascinated, intrigued, charmed, besotted, enchanted and in Love....... MARRY ME , please.
Had fun cruising around your site!
I re-posted a Lennon quote I saw there. Hope that's cool. :)
((HUG))
Hello, I found your site by following the link in your profile on CX. What a cool and interesting site! I look forward to reading more of it in the future. And the photos of you are lovely too!
loved your site. be nice to chat with you sometime out at CitX. all the best.
I am fully aware that you don't know who I am or how I got this email address, but I suppose that is the implicit risk one accepts when posting it publicly over CitizenX. If you see this as an intrusion, my apologies. But I couldn't help you investigating farther than that cursory profile on CX. I realize now that it must be very rude of me to talk to you like this without any sort of introduction. My name is Myung Kim. I am 17 years old and live in the Bay Area (yup, a nocal kid). If your sufficiently fascinated by me, you can email me to find out more. I suppose that is my only trump card for the time being. :) As well, I must give my rave compliments about your website. Impeccable taste with your quotes and art choice. Who did that piece on your opening page? I also must say I was very impressed with your photo work. I would pay for negatives of a couple of them if you still have them. The compositions were near flawless. Anyhow, I don't suppose any of that was my primary interest in your web page. The real prize I saw were the pepperings of personal prose (hmmm... say that one five times fast) scattered throughout your page. I suppose the greatest thing that struck me was your issue with regret. Well, namely that it's not really a consideration, apparently, in your life. The last thing I want to do is lecture, so please regard my writings as just inquisition, for my own furtherment. Is regret just a difficult thing to manage? I mean I don't see how in a world where there are certain rules (and therefore, inevitable breaches of those rules) how anyone can have no regrets lest he or she has lived a perfect life. Apparently the popular alternative has been to stifle one's regard for the rules altogether and in that way have no regrets. I'm personally one who values being able to move on and I agree that regret that keeps one from doing more is indeed a waste of our precious three score and ten years we are given. But are not the ramifications of not learning from past dealings with people in which we wronged them even more great? How can one learn, be remorseful, and grow if one does not even think about it? Is it that unpleasent to deal with? Why? I don't see how simply regretting a mistake made in the past with someone makes anyone any worse of a person than regretting the time you broke your mother's favorite vase when you were five or scribbling in an important book with crayon when you were three. Well, I suppose those are my thoughts for now. If you've read to this point, thank you for your time. If you're so inclined, please reply back to me. I am eager to hear what you think. :)
Andrasta, I'm taking a break from writing the great American novel and found you. Great words you've got tucked around these corners.
Hi, You don't know me but I feel drawn by you, only by reading the text on your site. I'm a photographer and I would like to photograph you. I just feel inspired from the little info I have of you. That's it. E-mail me if you like.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the way whales sing: deep, low and lonely, at the bottom of the sea, their songs carrying for miles through murky fathoms, seeking an echoing call. The whales sing in darkness, under water so deep that no sunlight shines; they are blinded by depth and guided only by echoes of their own voices; and in their blindness they find faith, and in faith sing their songs. And their songs tell their secrets, and in their secrets they find sight. But until there is faith, until secrets are told, only songs pierce the darkness.
Hi Andrasta,
Just had to drop you an email after visiting your site. I ran across ya at citizenx this morning, was going to shoot you an IM, but they were off, so I left a quick note in your guestbook.
Wow.. it was weird reading through some of your writings- since it was almost like reading my own life in so many areas. I'm sure you've heard the term of someone being an "old soul", and I have a feeling you're one of em. As I read through your stuff, it was hard to fathom that this was from someone of your age. (Ack- this all sounds so hokey!)
Anyway, I've always been someone that when I bump into someone with a brain that thinks along similar lines, I love to yack, try to absorb some of their energy, exchange ideas, yadda yadda. I just got a huge wave of "connection" reading what you've written, and was mostly moved by the story of growing up without your mom and how things turned out.
Every now and then, I run across someone on the web, and get a gut feeling that says "talk to this person", so I'm dropping ya a note. And I'll tell ya upfront- I'm a good guy, I am very real and am exactly as I present myself, and best of all- I have no ulterior motives. So relax. :) I'm at CitizenX every now and then, so pop in and say hi sometime, I'd love to chat with ya sometime. In the meantime, feel free to hit my website and look at pretty pictures, or read things that will make ya cry. A little something for everyone. : )
Take good care of yourself.
hello, stumbled across your page this evening. actually, stumbled across your CollegeClub profile, which led me to your page-- when I read a personal webpage I like (or, as is the case, begin reading one), I usually sign the guestbook, but as you asked for e-mails, well, thought I'd respond. I read the page about the cross-country driving trip you took, which I enjoyed because a) I'm planning to embark on a similar tour this summer with my beloved, only we're driving up north, over to the east coast, but then back through the south (which should be quite a challenge and adventure in August)-- and b) your narrative culminated in Barstow, California, which tickles me because that's where I was raised. Did you ever think a graduate of Barstow High School could peruse your webpage with anything more than a passing interest? Actually, that's unfair-- because though I've read only snippets of your homepage so far (the trip page; the one labeled "listening" where you talk about getting your VW and trying to listen better instead of tuning people out because of the way they're speaking, etc.; and the 3 bios), what's apparent is that you strive to be nonjudgemental, even of people from places like "the south" or "barstow" (though I can attest that, with few shining exceptions, any notions you conceived of that shithole while being targeted by the CHP for just trying to get the hell out of there, would be in most cases true).
pardon my convoluted syntax. i rarely compose e-mails more than a few lines long, except to my beau, and it's been a long time since i sat down to write to an unkonwn and introduce myself. actually, it's been 7 months and he and i live together now, but that's a whole other story.
well, i might have had a point, but god knows it's lost now. i'll be checking out your webpage again, especially to read your poetry, which I'm sure is fantastic, since your prose betrays a nicely cultivated talent with words. actually, the only reason i haven't checked it out yet is a misguided sense of jealousy.
hmm, i wouldn't have written all this in a guestbook.
Hi.....just wanted to say I really got a kick out of the "personal ad experiment". I, too, have been drawn, as of late, to the mysterious world of "internet encounters"....whatever that entails. Most ads are hilarious, but some are actually intriguing.....but are they actually legit? Prime example: do you think that "Gino" really looks like that, or did some scary guy cut that out of a magazine hoping it would lure bee-yoo-ful girls? LOL. Personally, I think he's gorgeous.....is he for real?
andrasta,
hello. this is talia, from csssa. i'm sitting in my apartment, avoiding studying for a linguistics final, doing searches for random stuff on google, and i stumbled upon a picture of myself, which hapens to be on your site. then i looked through all your csssa photos and got all goopy and nostalgic.
you have a neat website. i especially like the personals ad you did and all the responses...
very clever idea.
so...hi. it was just so cool and random to find your page that i had to write. what are you up to these days? in touch with csssa folk? whatnot... i live in berkeley currently with one roommate and two cats, being a student and working in a physics library and occasionally a movie theater.
(i had two roommates until recently...my beloved roomie and confident of two years graduated and moved to south south san fransisco, to have a real grown-up job and existence...she was actually someone i knew from csssa...Heather lynch...film/photo..??)
anyway, i much enjoyed your site, will probably visit again. take care. i'd love to hear from you and know what's going on for you these days... if you are ever in the bay area drop me a line.
hey... my boyfriend was checking up on my past or something, entering my name in search engines... and your site came up. I checked it out and low and behold... I've found you! But you have to guess who this is... I was a writing major, went for two years, ummm... hooked up with Calder and I now go to USC. I hope all is well with you, much love.
*hedge born imp
saw you on college club...
i love your website, and the products of your self-absorption (your pics)
are
beautiful.
From time to time, I saunter over to your web site and start to absorb your musings. It is always a wonderful change when I read because just when it seems like this world is at a point of no return, I read what you have to say and I think to myself: "Hey, it is not so bad. There are still some people who can read between the lines." So, Andrasta, please keep your website and add to it when the Muse calls...
Thank you.
hi
i just finished reading your vastly updated website. made me realize how much
you are missed by me.
i hope you're living your life well. I MISS YOU!!!
love,
tallie
(that annoying cleveland kid that emails you once in a blue moon)
ps. blue moons are hard to come by.
Andrasta---
so the other day in my journalism class, the professor bravely endeavored to teach us students how to use internet search engines, which we all thought was funny, as we'd all been using internet search engines since such beasts came into existence. at any rate, i was mucking around, typing in unusual names in the little blinky box, and your name happened to spring to mind. lo and behold, it led me to your startingly well-crafted little page.
which may lead /you/ to wonder, "who on earth is this random-ass journalism student emailing me?" well, i don't know if you remember living with a wee short poorly-dressed 13-year-old with cleopatra bangs and a penchant for hiding in dark corners at csssa 5 years ago, but that would be me. or rather, that was me before i got a real haircut and stopped hiding in corners and grew some. anyways. you seem to have become quite the lovely, fascinating, erudite lady. and i have to say i agree with pretty much all of your rants [especially the "election" one]; it's good to know other people out there are working for the same things i am.
and as for me, i never ended up going to csssa again [as you may have gathered], but the whole "going far away from home and meeting amazing people" thing was a very nice prelude to the bulk of my high school career, which i spent at a state-funded boarding school for the gifted. fun, fun, fun, fun times. if you're ever up for ridiculous tales of desperation and debauchery among Illinois' "best and brightest," you now know who to email. now i go to Northwestern University, where i'm taking the aforementioned journalism class and trying to figure out how to use my Prestigious Educational Pedigree [tm] to stick it to The Man. i'd give you the url of my webpage for even more fun but it's so sad in comparison to yours [what with the fading-in and the scrolling-stuff and gradated-color font and whatnot]... ah well.
anyways, my compliments on a wonderful page. it's good to run into you again. seems like you done grew up right, missie. keep on keepin' on, er something.
yours,
barbara k. myers
[also known, long ago, as bixante]
.nolite te bastardes carborundorum.
You seem pretty cool for a chick I found by looking up "my anus is bleeding" on google.com. I like your writing style and the fact you seem to care about what you write. (that and you don't make typos)
You have beautiful hair.
Dreams
Anticipation
Struggle
Finding your way
Losing your way
remembering your keys
driving with your knees
I'll dream of you if you dream of me.
hello..loved your site...twas coo
(smacks head) sorry for the twas coo comment....although I can change it
right now...but eh...
Hi my names Anthony... I love your sight nice humor nice pics nice personality nice everything...I hate that word but I'm uneducated and don't really know a better one.....hehe...anyway your sites keen...it'd be cool if you'd write back but its okay if you don't..I'm into art, maybe we could share ideas someday...
My name is Daryl. Just a quick note to tell you that I was touched by the short piece you wrote on The Fray, about losing your friend in a rock-climbing accident. I clicked through to your site, and I was truly moved by the beauty of your statement. You are a talented, honest writer. Thank you for sharing your lovely thoughts and visions. I know it takes a great deal of work, but I am very glad to have found your site, and I hope you will keep it up.
